SALAD DAYS

BY:  Kara Douglas

 

 

My body is shifting out of its familiar shape

Like a lump of clay left in the hands of a small child

My once long legs are now chubby and appear short

My cheek bones are there somewhere I am sure

But cannot be found at the moment

I take one last look at this stranger before me

And then slip into my warm bath

 

As I lie back, I let the water tickle my sagging breasts

Even still, the feel excites me

I, for one brief moment, am transformed

In the prime of my youth

Skin supple and breasts firm and ripe

 

The warm water rushes over my paunchy stomach

But to me it feels flat as when I was a teen

 

What was that boys name? Oh how he looked at me

In my two piece bathing suit as we frolicked on the beach

The sun was warm and I can still taste the salt of the ocean

Those were the days, my friend

We just did not know it at the time

 

Before we knew it, life had happened

And we are left with middle aged bodies

Yearning for the salad days.

 

 

 

 

 

Beach Season

Kara Douglas

 

Sitting in my red beach chair,
Feeling the warm summer breeze

The thick Florida air

Carefree days of collecting shells

Building sandcastles but not too well

Running in the white, white sand

Wearing my #5 shirt while my sister held my hand

The smell of suntan lotion and salty air

Sticky knots in my hair

Happy memories I wish to remember

But summer soon turned to December

Uncle Saul said not to tell

I was special, do not yell

Cold winters spent in my bed

Wondering why me and not my sister instead

As I look back upon my youth

It’s the summers that still hold the truth

December’s secrets lie hidden still

Childhood times I remember still

 

 

Rare Beauty

 

 

She was a rare beauty

Long dark hair

And alluring eyes

 

Many a suitors had fallen

Victim to her charms

 

Small Wallace James came with a heart full of love

Holding a small, small token

Of his admiration and hopes for love

 

Her dark eyes looked upon the daisy

In his hand

 

And she began to laugh

 

Small Wallace James turned to walk away

“No” She said

“Stay”

 

Small Wallace James with the small corner cottage

Lives a life of envy

With his dark rare beauty

 

Underneath the window

Grows a neat little row

Of delicate little daisies

 

That he planted for his betrothed.

 

Careless

 

 

In the recesses of my mind

I can almost taste

The saltiness of my tears

And the touch of my mother’s hand

On my reddened cheek

 

It only took a moment

She had had a rough day

Careless for the moment

She let her anger fly

 

And in that small moment

I realized the truth

The she was only human

Like me and you

 

The tears were not for the slap

That she lay upon my cheek

But for the loss of hope

 

Mothers are not Gods?

Thoughts of Bill

 

In the night I am tormented by the visions

Of you in your final moments

Alone in your thoughts you must have plead

Out to the night

“Why?”

 

As I waited at home unaware

Of your torment and doubt

Alone with your thoughts you must have felt

No one did care

“Why?”

 

As you hung the rope up high

Did you think of me?

As you placed it around your neck

Did you think of your children?

I wake up from my terror and scream

“Why?”

 

Alone in my bed

My gown sticky with sweat

I am alone with my thoughts

And I call out to the night

“Why?”

Thorns

 

In the darkened garden

The branches tremble with fear

Thorny stems daring me to touch

 

Prick of my finger

The warm blood drips

I pick up the petals

That have fallen to the Earth

 

I like my garden at night

When no one else is here

I can walk among the flowers

And whisper all my fears

 

Listen to the night sounds

As the wind gently blows

I tremble with the knowledge

Of my own immortal fears

 

As I walk amongst

The garden and the night

I feel a sense of belonging

I am one with the night

 

Those thorny stems that pricked me

Are a reminder to my mind

Of those who stand outside

My garden and wish to do me harm

 

In the darkened garden

The branches tremble with fear

Thorny stems daring me…

 

To touch

AJAR

 

As I wandered down the darkened alley

A door was left ajar

I could hear the sounds coming from inside

As I walked by I saw the glowing lights

Coming from inside the door that was ajar

 

I was not invited so I walked on past

But as I ventured on

I wondered what was going on

Inside that lighted room

Where the door was left ajar

 

The darkened alley lay before me

Behind me was the light

But still I ventured in the dark

As I had no invite to venture towards the light

Where the door was left ajar

On the Veranda

 

On the veranda, he waits

With his blue eyes sparkling

And his sweet smile shining

Sipping sweet tea

In the hot Florida heat

Wiping his sweat from his forehead

His eyes spy her approaching

And his smile widens

His heart beats faster

Walking towards him

With her sundress blowing in the thick breeze

Her long hair glowing in the sunlight

He wipes a bit more sweat from his brow

And nods to acknowledge her presence

On the veranda, love awaits

 

Fifteen Dollars

 

Walking down the aisles

Figuring it in my head

Buy what I came for

Hope to get something more

 

Canned veggies are on sale

Store brand mac and cheese

Half a gallon of milk

And a small box of cereal

 

Fifteen dollars

Will it be enough?

To feed my family today

And have some left for tomorrow?

 

Fifteen dollars I cannot make it more

This damn economy

Is hard on the working poor

HER TODAY
I saw her again today

Hunched over as she shuffled along the walkway

Her hair was scraggly and her skin was grey

When I saw her again today

As I went home to my warm apartment

I heated a pot of soup

As I stirred the pot with a wooden spoon

My mind thought of her and I saw her again today

So I poured the soup into my thermos

And sliced off some warm bread

So proud of my intentions

I was going to see her again, today

The park was getting dark now

The sky was thick and overcast

The pathways were unfamiliar

When I saw her again today

I offered her the thermos

And she looked at me menacingly

Her eyes looked me over

When she saw me there today

Her grubby hand, grabbed the thermos

And she nodded her head my way

Then she shuffled off alone

That was the last time I saw here today

I went home feeling good about myself

And my self absorbed notions of kindness

Until morning came and I read the paper

Another homeless beaten to death

 

I will not be seeing her today

William Lee

 

There was a young man who lived in our town

His name was William Lee

His dark eyes caught mine one afternoon in town

And I knew it was love; love for me

 

The young man with eyes of coal

Took my hand and captured my soul

My heart did beat with a most peculiar feel

This must be love, this must be real

 

Then the young man with the handsome face

Took his hands and touched my face

For this young man was my one true love

This I knew from the Heavens above

 

So we began a life together

Promised our love, our souls forever

But soon this man with the eyes of coal

Starting drifting away; I couldn’t feel his soul

 

Was this love not sent from above?

Was he not my one true love?

For it was told to me from the Heavens above

I tried hard as I might to hold onto his love

 

Then one day the young man came to me

Asking if I would set his soul free

That was the day that my true love died

That was when I heard the Heavens cry

 

William Lee took his life

He ended his pain; forgot his strife

But his family was left to pay the fee

To suffer in grief and agony

 

For this young man named William Lee

Got what he wanted; his soul was free

But I was left alone in my tears

Forever alone for all of these years

 

The Widow

 

Death by suicide

That was the official ruling

By the coroner

 

Like we needed the official statement

To know that his hanging was

In fact a suicide

 

For the longest time

I was scared of his ghost

Haunting me

 

It’s been twelve years

And I have remarried

It was time to move on

 

His death came quickly

But my pain lasted years

Suicide has many victims

 

Those left behind suffer

For years in silence

Wondering if they are to blame

 

But I have finally decided

To let it all go

I didn’t die that day; so I choose to live

Drowning

 

As the warm water surrounds me

I slink down to cover my head; my face

For a few seconds I am under water

Unable to breathe

 

In that brief time I am always tempted

To not get up; to just let it go

But something inside me pulls me up

I gasp for breath

 

Why am I so tormented?

Am I the only one? Who sometimes thinks of dying

Alone in the bathtub

But worry about the world finding you nude

 

 

 

 

 

I am…

 

I am broken and despondent

Down deep inside

This is the true me that I try to hide

 

I am from pain and misery

Unhappiness and regret

This is the person that I don’t let you see

 

I am just barely hanging on everyday

Trying to survive

This is me what more can I say?

 

I am trying to become better

Normal and happy

This is not easy for someone like me

 

I am broken inside

Down deep inside

This is the true me that I try to hide

 

I am here

But barely alive

This is me that’s dying inside

PHOBIA

 

From the upstairs window

I watch the children playing in the yard

Unable to join in their fun

Locked inside with my invisible fears

That tie me to my prison

Irrational fears of what others see

And how they view me

 

Never good enough

Never pretty enough

 

From the upstairs window

I watch the world pass me by

Unable to join in and live

Locked inside by invisible chains

That make my prison real

Never good enough for the world to see

Irrational fears of what others see in me

Silver Buttons

 

Stuck in between the cushions

Of the old sleeper sofa

Almost lost forever

Two silver buttons

That I lost from my coat

 

Two silver buttons that were sewn

By my dear mother’s hands

Before she was unable

To mend any longer

 

Two silver buttons bringing

A smile to my face

On this dreary pre winter day

Banquet

 

Love is a tasty dish

Best enjoyed slowly

Savoring each morsel

With your juicy wet lips

 

Love is a banquet

Everything you could possibly desire

Is laid upon the table

Waiting to be enjoyed

 

Loves many flavors

Red hot cinnamon, zesty lemon

Hot chocolate with marshmallows

Served steaming hot

 

Love is a tasty dish

Savor every morsel

Dig in! It’s okay to use your hands

In fact, I prefer it

 

Two Pennies

 

 

Two pennies found in the bottom of my pocket

Will they be enough to grant my wishes?

Toss them into the wishing well

And hope they serve me well

Two pennies in a wishing well

All my hopes and dreams

Can they be enough

To bring you back to me?

 

I watch them fall down into the water

And remember our lives together

Wishing and hoping for a reunion

To bring our hearts together

Two pennies in a wishing well

All my hope and dreams

Can they be enough

To bring you back to me?

Fresh Start

 

The old house needed a family

That’s what momma said

So from the moment we moved in

We began “mothering” the old place

 

Windows cleansed to allow sunlight in

Curtains hung to keep prying eyes away

We shined the floors and put up fresh paint

And were quite proud of our achievement

 

Then “He” came back

Announced he was changed

Momma believed him and that was all it took

The new house with its sparkling windows

 

Couldn’t disguise the dirt inside

 

The Black Slip

 

 

Carefully she shaves her legs

Then applies the lotion

Silky smooth perfection

 

Black panties and a black bra

Slide on the black slip

Sexy little thing

 

Perfume behind the ears

Between her ample bosoms

Anticipation of the evening

 

His name is not important

Tonight is about more

Sexy little thing

 

Getting back in the game

The high stilettos

Accentuate her legs

 

As she leaves the bedroom

Her daughter is grinning

As she sees just a bit of the black slip

 Sticking out of her momma’s skirt

 

 

Sexy Clothes

 

I will not wear my black pants

If we go to the party

They are much too safe

And it is time to be daring

Sure, they hide my hips

And help to hide my

Ice cream binges

But I think I will wear something different

To Hell with what they think

 

Okay, so I am wearing the black pants

With the grey blouse

Same old safe outfit

I am too old to change

Besides, what would people say

If I showed up in my negligee?

VULTURES

 

I can feel the vultures circling

Over my body

I am not dead yet but they wait

They know it won’t be long

Till I give it up and let go

I am barely hanging on

Like a cartoon character hanging

Onto a twig over a cliff

One swift wind and I will be gone

 

Stop vultures!  Can you not wait?

It will come soon enough, I assure you

Until then, let me be

Do not pick at my bones!

http://www.poetry.com/voteforme/poemvote1.asp?PID=13297221

Introductions

 

It was time I made myself known

To your wife; the so-called love of your life

 

The mother of your children

The keeper of your home

 

It was time I made myself known

As your lover; the satisfier

 

The one who keeps you late at night

The smell on your clothes; offensive to her nose

 

It was time I made myself known

But your wife said she already knew

 

But she said I needed to know about you

That you are a scoundrel

 

That you are a rat

That you leave your family hungry while you eat till fat

 

She said I could have you all for myself

She said I could clean your house and clothes all by myself

 

It was time I made myself known

That I was only a lover and not meant to be more

 

She smiled contently and showed me the door

 

NO Quitting

 

Life is tough and getting tougher everyday

Just getting out of bed is harder

The outside seems dark and grey

 

I want to just give it all up and quit now

But I am a mother and that is why

No matter how hard it is, I must go on some how

 

No money, no job, no future it seems

No way to make ends meet

No hope, no life, no dreams

 

But I am a mother and that is why

No matter how hard it is, I must go on some how

 

McCain or Obama? Who cares?

They don’t understand what the average person

Is living with daily

 

Do they ever go to the grocery and wonder

If they will be able to stretch the fifteen dollars

In their pocket to feed their family?

 

I am ranting and raving

And sounding like a fool

But I am fed up with trying

But I cannot quit

 

‘Cause I am a mother and that is why

No matter how hard it is, I must go on some how

Misremember

 

Can I please misremember

That summer of December

When everything was going alright

Life is so much easier

If we remember it

That way we wished it was

 

So can I please misremember

That summer of December

When everything in life was going right

Mom and dad were together

The family stood forever

And life was easier for all

 

Please try to forgive me

If I tend to disremember

The way our childhood really was

Some things are better left out of our minds

When we left childhood far behind

So please try to forgive me

 

But I just want to remember

A time when things were going well

Before life took a turn for the worse

A time when everything was going right

After all, I think I have the right

So, please let me misremember it this way

Not My Momma

 

So many nights I heard her crying in her bedroom

Waiting for you to come home yet again

I watched her pretty up in anticipation

I watched her put me to the side and wait for you

And every time she thought you were coming back for good

You’d break her heart and then

She would break mine

 

So many nights I heard her crying in her bedroom

Waiting for you to come home yet again

 

I will not be the woman that my momma was

I will not wait around for a man who doesn’t put me first

I will not pretty up only to be let down

I will not wait around on a man to rescue me

 

So many nights I hear her crying in her bedroom

Waiting for you to came home yet again

 

I will not be the woman that my momma was

I will not wait around on a man to rescue me

 

 

Lost

 

There is nothing to save, I am lost

Like a ship lost in a violent storm

I’ve been tossed about till my body

Was overtaken by the swell

 

There is nothing to save, I am lost

Like a roof torn off in the wind

Of the most volatile of hurricanes

I am left exposed to the elements

 

An empty dry husk is all the remains

So walk away now and don’t look back

There is nothing left to save

Go forward and start anew; rebuild

 

Kara Douglas

C 10/08

Flesh

 

Now is the time

Hurry before it’s too late!

The darkened streets are

Lit with the glow of the street lights

 

Hurry now

Sin is waiting for you

The man with the dark eyes

And the woman with her short skirt

 

Business in the city

Under the cover of night

Back alleys and bar rooms

Smoky haze in the air

 

While the children wait

Lonely in their beds

Mothers try and earn a living

Working in the trade of flesh

 

Peddlers of sin

Count only their dollars

As their wallets get filled

And another child cries in the night

 

Kara Douglas

10/08c

 

 

Idle Hands

 

 

Paper flowers, tissue paper, magazine cut outs litter the oak table

Glitter paint embedded into the finish

 

You know what they say about Idle Hands

I keep busy to keep the demons away

 

Four months since my last episode

Glue covers my fingers

 

Idle Hands cannot rest

My mind must be busied

 

Tiny buttons glued to paper

Sticky reminders of my sanity

 

Vermin

 

Trapped in a life

That I didn’t choose

Forced to live a lie

 

Smiling behind a false face

That never shows my thoughts

Living a lie

 

Like a rat caught in a trap

I squirm and try to escape

But it is no use

 

I am left vulnerable

And exposed to the elements

Living my life; my lie

 

Like all the others

I carry on

Trying to pretend

 

Trapped in a life

That I didn’t choose

Forced to live a lie

 

Kara Douglas

C @ 11/08

 

Dream Man

 

I am in love with the other man

You know the one I hoped you would be

The one who has time to talk to me

And hold me and understands me

 

I am in love with the other man

The one who still gets weak in the knees

When I walk into the room

And shows his admiration in his loving eyes

 

I am in love with the other man

You know who he is

He is the one who holds me dear

And whispers sweet nothings in my ear

 

Yes, I am in love with the other man

The man you could be

If you would only remember

The man you used to be

 

I am in love with the other man

The man I dreamt you could be

When our love was still young

And so were we

 

I am in love with the other man

The man I pretend you are

The man who you become

When I close my eyes and dream

 

You are the other man

The man of my dreams

You fill my nights with pleasure

As I remember the man you could be

Awakenings

 

In the middle of the night

I wake

Filled with regret and disappointment

Lying in my bed

I cry

For the loss of my dreams

That never came true

I regret

Those unfulfilled promises

I deny

Those unsightly crimes

I confess

Only to myself

In the middle of the night

Black Dog

 

 

Black dog with the snarling teeth

Waiting for an out

As the guards walk the grounds

And the other inmates howl

Black dog with the long tail

Waiting for the chance

So close to death row

He can smell it

Black dog with no collar

Fights for his freedom

As the clock ticks closer to the hour

Black dog standing tough

Could you ever be tamed?

 

Kara Douglas

C 11/08

Afternoon Shade

 

 

In the shade of the oak, she waits

For the return of her love

And his warm embrace

In the recesses of her mind

She can still taste

The sweetness of his kiss

And the strength of his arms

As the warm breeze blows

She waits for her love

And nervously worries

As she counts the minutes

In the quietness of the afternoon

She waits for her love

And smiles at the thought

Of his warm caress

In the shade of the oak, she rises

When she spies him coming her way

And her nervousness leaves

As he touches her face

 

Kara Douglas

C 11/08

 

The secret life of the black sheep

 

Never measuring up to expectations

Forever letting others down

But mostly letting herself down

Why bother? It’s never good enough anyways

Not as loved as the favorite daughter

Not as smart as the brain

Didn’t measure up according to dad

No wonder I don’t even try

Settled for mediocre

Just getting by

Living life on the fringes of society

And tired of living this lie

 

Maybe I am good enough

If somebody gave me a chance

But it’s been forty plus years

And I am a little old to start now

So I guess I am stuck in this rut

Of forever being..

The black sheep of the family

 

Gray

 

Watching the blue sky turn to gray

And the autumn winds turn into winter cold

Like the seasons of our lives

Summers are far too short

And those long cold winter days drag on and on

 

How I wish I could bottle the blue sky

And store it away for a long winter’s day

Uncorking it when all seems dark and gray

Like a fine wine enjoyed after a hard day

I would devour it; savoring every morsel

 

But instead I am stuck inside

Hiding under a pile of fuzzy blankets

Trying to ward off the cold

And gray that is consuming my soul

Winter is here and I cannot escape it

 

Kara Douglas

C 11/08

 

 

 

 

Five Dollars

 

In my wallet I have five dollars

It is two days till payday

I feel bad and worry about little things

 

As I drive down the road

I turn up the heat in the car

It is chilly for November; almost like January

 

Then I see her

Huddled on the curb

Trying to stay warm in the chilly 31 degree air

 

Homeless woman holding a sign

“Homeless. Need help”

I see my daughter looking at her

 

I quickly pull my car to the curb

And reach into my wallet

Five dollars isn’t much but maybe it will help

 

No money in my wallet

It is two days till payday

I feel good and thank God for my blessings

 

Five dollars well spent.

 

Kara Douglas

C 11/08

Night Terrors

 

Under the cloak of darkness

I wander through the alleyways

And hidden corridors of my mind

 

Restless in my bed

I toss and turn; writhing in agony

Over mistakes and missteps

 

No matter how many nights

I wander through my memories

I cannot erase my mistakes

 

Under the cloak of darkness

I have come to realize

That the only escape is the sunrise

 

Kara Douglas

C 11/08

The Morning After

 

The heaviness of your cologne

Still hangs in the room

As I roll over to your side of the bed

 

You have left for work already

And left me alone in our bed

The smell of your skin covers me

 

Last night was like a dream

We were again young lovers

Unable to contain our lust

 

I rise out of bed, grudgingly

As I stagger into the kitchen

I see the note on the counter

 

The heaviness of your cologne

Still hangs in the room

As I read the Dear Jane letter you wrote

 

Last night was like a dream

We were again young lovers

But today I feel old and used up

 

Kara Douglas

C 11/08

Petals

 

Does anybody know this wilted little rose-

With the petals shriveled and ready to fall?

As I lift it up and try to capture

Any remnants of fragrance

My small child gathers the fallen petals

And rubs them on her cheek

Trying to soak up the softness

And the sweetness to her cheek

As I take the rose with its shriveled dried petals

The thorns prick my finger

As I begin to bleed

The blood drips down onto the ground

And my small child looks up

And forces a smile

As if to ease a suffering

She pulls onto my leg

The soft petals of the rose

She rubs upon my face

 

 

 

TRUE BLUE

 

Brown eyes begging for attention

Looking into my soul

His love has been a comfort to me

In the hardest of days

 

Those same eyes can seem so sad

When I have to leave him

Looking for reassurance

That I will come back

 

His loving eyes are a window

Into his loving spirit

Filling me with comfort

On the toughest of winter days

 

Brown eyes begging for attention

Looking at me eagerly

His tail wagging excitedly

As I get out the dog treats

 

Yes, he is only a dog

That’s what people say

But his loyal companionship

Is true blue and strong

Sleepless Nights

 

Under the safety of blankets

I lay quietly in the night

Scared of the sounds I hear in my head

Waiting for the light

 

Long night after night

I remain a prisoner to my fears

Too scared to reach out for your hand

Silently muffling my tears

 

You lie peacefully next to me

Oblivious to my plight

The rhythm of your breathing gets faster

As you dream of dragons to fight

 

How I envy you in your dream land

As I lay afraid of life

You are dreaming of wonders

I want so badly to reach for your hand

 

But instead I lie here motionless

Petrified of those demons in my head

Worrying if you will remain here in the morning

Or if my fears will come true if I dare confess

 

That I lie here wanting to tell you the truth

You are the one

I love you I love you I love you

But instead I lie quietly; too scared to move

 

Last Words

 

It was to be his last words

He trembled as he put the pen to paper

Words did not come easy

As the tears dripped onto the paper

 

The note was short and to the point

He could no longer stand the pain

Words could not express

The agony his soul was feeling

 

The police officer delivered the tattered paper to me

And I hesitated to read them

If I read them then there would be no more

No words coming from him ever again

It didn’t matter what they said

It would not make sense

There was no way my mind could accept it

It would be years before I could

 

Suicide is always hardest on the survivors

They are the ones left to survive

Alone in their battles of guilt and sorrow

While the dead can rest in peace

 

Kara Douglas

C 11/08

Quarrel

 

Running barefoot through the snow

Unable to gather my composure

Like a deer running for her life

I run blindly in the night

 

Before my feet go numb

I stop and look out at the frozen land

Wondering why I ever moved to this God forsaken land

Yet I cannot leave

 

I turn back towards the house

And know I must face the music

Like a teenager coming home after curfew

I am ready to take my lashings

 

But instead you stand at the door

Holding a warm blanket

Welcoming me home with open arms

Now I remember why I am still here

 

Kara Douglas

C 12/08

The slight dip in the temp

Warns me of the approaching storm

Yet I refuse to accept the signs

And Stubbornly stand my ground

As the winds pick up and the sky turns dark

I finally relent…

Sometimes Defiance is mute

Hopeless Dreams

 

The hope I had was but a dream

A dream of hope was all I had

In the darkest of nights

I cast my net

Hoping for a catch

 

The hope I had was but a dream

A dream of hope was all I had

Night after night

I laid all my hopes on my dreams

Dreaming of escape

 

The hope I had was but a dream

A dream of hope was all I had

Escaping daily agony

I cast my net

Hoping for a dream

 

The hope I had was but a dream

A dream of hope was all I had

So slowly I began to retreat

I cast my net

Further into my dreams

 

Kara Douglas

C 7/09

Watcher

Though I wear my hair blonder
Than you know it should be
Doesn’t mean you have a right to judge

Yes it’s true that my eyeliner is heavy
And my heels a bit high
These things I do not deny

The skirt may be tight
And I bit high on my thigh
But it doesn’t give you a license to touch

Okay I admit it
I like watching your squirm
In your starched dress shirts

I’ve been known to cause a ruckus
Maybe once or twice
But that doesn’t mean I am bad

You don’t know the reasons
That I dress the way that I do
Looks are not a window into a soul

So before you whistle and make cat calls
It may be hard to believe
But it may be you whose being watched..

By me

Kara Douglas
C 7/09

Discarded
Forgotten
Left beside the road
Life has passed them by
Discarded
Forgotten
Like a stray dog
Life has passed them by
Discarded
Forgotten
Nobody to love
Life has passed them by
Discarded
Forgotten
Shivering in the cold
Life has passed them by
Discarded
Forgotten
No SPCA to rescue them
Life has passed them by
Discarded
Forgotten
People living as strays
No one to help them
Discarded
Forgotten

 

 

Secrets

 

On the steps of my building

I pass a young girl

Waiting in the shadows

Hidden from the light

What is your story?

What is your pain?

 

Her dark hair and eyes

Stay hidden from the light

Listening to a song

Only she can hear

What is it saying?

What is the tune?

 

Walking past the girl

I try to forget

The girl I once was

The pain I try to leave

What is my secret?

Why must I hide?

 

We are all hiding

From the darkness in our lives

Hiding in the shadows

Avoiding the light…

 

What is your story?

What is your pain?

 

Kara Douglas

C 7/09

 

 

Tear Drops

 Tear drops falling on my paper

As I write this note to you

Why did you not believe

Those things I told to you?

Was he that important?

Did he mean that much?

Am I not your daughter

Who he chose to touch?

I have made the choice

To walk away from you

I hope you find the peace

To live with what you do

Fishing with Daddy

I was so excited the first time daddy asked me to go to the river with him; just him and me. He made me feel like a big kid for once. I was just starting to learn how to cook wonderful things like hot dogs and macaroni with cheese and I had planned to cook for him while we were there. This was going to be time for just me and daddy. No Vanessa, who always seemed to be his favorite; just me.
We loaded up his pickup truck and headed down US 19 towards the Withalacochee River. It would take about an hour and a half to get there. Daddy turned the radio on and we sang Johnny Cash songs together. Daddy stopped at this old bait store and gas station before we got there. He let me pick out a candy bar and a package of coconut macaroons. The coconut macaroons were our secret weapon. They were great bait to catch Blue Gill fish.
I remember the distinct moment when I figured out that I was being played. I was sitting out on the dock with my feet dangling off the edge. I had my line out and was watching my red bobber for bites. Then I heard a voice. It wasn’t my daddy’s. This voice was a lady’s voice. Then I saw her. She was a skinny looking woman with her reddish brown hair up in a bun. She was wearing long blue shorts that came to her knees and a striped shirt. She had bright red lips and was wearing some kind of fluffy scarf around her neck. This woman was nothing like my momma. Momma wore soft lipstick and wore her hair down. She would never wear a tacky looking scarf around her neck.
As they headed down the dock towards me, I felt a little queasy.
“Melody. I want you to meet a friend of mine. This is Alice.” I just sat there.

Still

 

In the darkened room of my slumber

I awake drenched with sweat

Startled by my visions

Of ghosts from my past

Still

 

It’s been so long forgotten

But everyone but me

Still I awaken

And walk the floors nervously

Still

 

Will tomorrow be the day

That the debt must be paid

Or will I walk another night

Haunted by my ghosts?

Still

 

In the darkened room of my slumber

I awaken once again

While my husband innocently sleeps

I am haunted again…

 

Still

 

 

 

Kara Douglas

C 4/09

Scars

Echoes in the distance
Raise me from my slumber
Like a forgotten memory
I am taken back

Words from my past
Come back into my mind
And I cannot forget
The things I said tonight

Too late for “I’m sorry”
Never can they be unsaid
Like knives in the soul
They leave scars

Echoing in my mind
They replay over and again
A broken phonograph
Replaying the same words again

Convenient weapons
We freely wield
Unaware of the dangers
And the scars the leave

Kara Douglas
C 2/09

Never quite in step

With my older siblings

Always a step behind

Never out in front

Standing on my tiptoes

I still dont measure up

Hurrying along

Trying to catch up

Little sisters strive

To let their sisters see

That they are always trying

To be them that they envy

But all too often

They stay in the rear

Watching from the distance

Those that they revere